


I Might Not Know Myself, But I Do Know You

by bored_spitless



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alaska, Amnesia, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Character Death, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 17:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15490881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bored_spitless/pseuds/bored_spitless
Summary: The triggers are gone but so is what makes Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes. The cold of Alaska provides Bucky with an escape until a major part of his past comes back to him, trying to bring it all back. He doesn't know this Avenger who he found dead in a snowstorm but he can't just leave him out there.





	I Might Not Know Myself, But I Do Know You

**Author's Note:**

> So first things, first time ever posting on this site. I've been posting on tumblr (pretty sure same URL but it might be different. It's been a long time since I've posted) and decided I was ready to be a big girl in fanfiction. So... Here we go. lol.
> 
> The start of this story is a little weird. I thought about going back and editing it but when I reread it, I actually liked it because the tone changes through the story. Regardless, it started off as a note to myself that I quickly fic'ed instead of leaving as a note.
> 
> Oh, trigger warning: there is a PTSD flashback. I won't go into specifics in this part, I'll put the specifics at the end (so click the link to get a heads up), but ultimately, keep yourself well. I doubt this particular situation has happened to you but reading a flashback might trigger one for you so just be safe and smart for yourself. 
> 
> The ending is not overtly happy but is optimistic.

Bucky had severe amnesia when he finally got the triggers removed. But due to the nature of the process, he lost most of his memories without hope of getting them back. 

Steve and Co are away on a mission for an extended period of time and are not there when Bucky wakes. Steve thinks the doctors will keep him there but they don’t. They can’t. Bucky stays long enough to get checked over, made sure everything is okay then he sets off on his own. He moves to a little nowhere town in Alaska because the cold makes his brain hurt but is also familiar in an unexplained way. He lives in a tiny cabin away from everyone and likes it. He has a few neighbors, at least, within 100 yards. He checks on them frequently. He goes out, even when he knows there is a blizzard warning because he has to check on his neighbors, the cute little family that moved there for work, the married man who lives there while there’s work then returns home to North Dakota when the weather is nicer. He makes sure they are alive, makes sure they have supplies. He cares about them. 

He rarely goes into town except when he is completely out of something. When he goes in, everyone is confused and concerned. There is no way he walked in from his home. But he does. Someone feels bad and offers to sell him a rundown snowmobile that works half the time. Bucky has money since he woke up and found out he was some sort of rich ex-military man with a metal arm. He goes to a bank and withdraws the money.

That’s how Steve finds him. The group had returned from their mission, exhausted, weeks after Bucky had finally left the hospital. The trail was ice, nothing to be found in any direction. Steve was heartbroken. He finally found Bucky just to lose him again, this time without any hope of catching him. Because where would he go? There was no blip, no way to trace him. Nothing. When suddenly, a large withdrawal happened from Bucky’s account. In Alaska of all places. He takes time off from being an Avenger and goes. Others agree to help as needed. 

He arrives to this town where the withdraw happened and he’s confused. There is no one who knows the man named James “Bucky” Barnes. Few people have seen a man with a metal arm but none have an idea about where he lives. Steve could go searching for him but… he is ill prepared. He settles into life in the town, praying for a glimpse of the man who was his world. 

Bucky has made a life for himself here. People know him. Not by name but by sight. He is the first person people look for when someone goes missing. He can find anything and anyone in the snowy scape. People joke and say he must be part winter. He doesn’t know why but he hates that.  
The area he lives in is poor. Most of Alaska is poor. There are numerous men but few women. Even fewer children. Bucky assists people as he can. 

He sets up a radio to speak to people. He likes hearing the chatter. Likes that people contact him sometimes directly. “Hey Elk-Man, there’s a blizzard coming in. Can you check on your people and get back to us?” “Elk-Man, don’t go out. I know you’re tough but the air is freezing in people’s lungs.” “Elk-Man… Someone’s asking about a guy with a metal arm… He looks like an Avenger.”

Bucky freezes. Not from the cold this time. He grabs his mic, unsure of how to respond, but desperately needing more answers. He wavers every time he clicks the button to talk. Nothing comes out. What would he say? Why would an Avenger be after him? He hasn’t done anything wrong. Has he? He doesn’t know. Maybe he did. “Why?”

“Dunno Elk-Man. Just a head’s up.”

Bucky doesn’t wander into town. He convinces his closest neighbor to pick up some supplies for him. He pays for both of their purchases and then some. The neighbor is confused but agrees. He has no need to run into the Avenger.

He gets his things in short order, hearing from the lovely woman that the man, Steve, has questions and had asked her directly. Bucky does not know why. She says he knew it was him because of the order. She didn’t give him any information. She ignored his Questions. She refused to take a letter from him. She didn’t know why or how he knew Bucky but she preferred Bucky over that Avenger every time. Bucky appreciates her and makes sure she makes it home safe before walking home in the snow. 

Days later, a blizzard rolls in. A nasty one. One where he gets another warning to stay in. He gets a different warning too.

“Elk- Man. You gotta—Sorry. No. Elk-Man. That Avenger went out into the storm. No one’s heard anything. Elk-Man… Bucky… None of us can go looking for him. Please…”

Bucky looks at the radio. He should ignore the call. He should get into bed and sleep. He doesn’t. They never call him by his name. He didn’t like hearing it. “Ok.”

Bucky bundles up, wearing his biggest parka over his jacket, sweater, thermal and regular clothes. He can barely move and standing in his hot cabin is not nice. But he knows he needs to bundle. He wraps a scarf around his mouth, knowing the reports are true. The air is freezing in people’s lungs. The wind will kill you. The chill will freeze you from the inside out. 

He grabs blankets and stuffs them into the biggest duffle he has. He doesn’t know what kind of shape the man may be in, but he needs to be prepared. He grabs his lantern and slips his overly socked feet into his boots. He sets out. 

He walks. He doesn’t know what direction the man may be in, but he knows how to return to is cabin, even in the whiteout. He can get home if he can just find the man.

It takes hours. Hours upon hours due to the buildup of snow making it tough to even move one foot in front of the other. The wind burns the face. The wind is attempting to get under the scarf to his lungs. He pushes forward. 

The man is crumpled in the snow. Bucky only finds him because he literally tripped over him. The man is blue, not moving. He is dead. But Bucky can’t leave him in the snow. He grabs the man and begins the trek home. The man was closer to the neighbors than his own cabin. He debates checking on the neighbor. He looks at the dead man. He will wait.

He checks on his neighbors, glad to see them weathering the storm with no trouble. He returns to the frozen body and drags him home.

He debates leaving the dead body outside but decides to bring him in. He dusts the frozen body of snow and drags him inside. He puts him in a corner, throwing blankets over his body. The dead body smell will start as he warms but Bucky could not leave him outside. He was a person once. 

The man does indeed start melting. But there is no death smell coming from him. Instead, the man jolts awake with fear in his eyes, heaving breaths and fear. Bucky has seen nightmares before. He has some from a life he does not remember. He gets a new blanket, one not wet or damp and wraps the man in it. The man stares at Bucky’s face, not seeing him, stuck in his own mind. 

The man shivers and shakes, his teeth chatter as he begs, “Cold. So…Cold. Please… God… Please...Just... Just take me…Just end it.” The man continues to shake and not blink as tears fall down his face. The man chatters through a prayer, begging for mercy, begging to not feel the cold, begging to end. He calls out twice for his mother, begging for her to embrace him in death. 

Bucky does not speak. He does not know what to say. He merely grabs more blankets and attempts to warm the man.

Eventually the man passes out. Not sleep since his body was too adrenalized but eventually he crashes. Bucky does not know what to do. He has never seen something like this before. He drags the man in front of the fire, removing the damp blankets and clothes as he goes. He does not want this man to be frightened again. 

He grabs the mic, not knowing what to say but knowing he needs to report this. He clicks it and softly says, “I have him.” He ignores the soft thank yous and sighs of relief. He does not mention the man’s terror. He does not mention the man’s death. He does not bring that reality to these people. 

The man wakes again a few hours later. Bucky has made warm food and drink. He has already eaten and is waiting for this man to wake to feed him. The man wakes slowly, he rolls around in his blanket nest. His hair is a mess. He looks soft. And cuddly. For such a large man, he does not look imposing. 

The man seems to remember the situation and jolts upright. The blankets pool to his waist in an attractive fashion. Bucky is stunned to find himself noticing. The man looks around him, taking quick stock of the fire and Bucky’s bed. He does not know where he is or why. Bucky must make a noise for the man’s head whirls in his direction. He sees Bucky and freezes. His breath stops. The man’s eyes are watery with tears again. Bucky is not sure why his heart hurts seeing this strange man close to tears. A tear escapes. The man softly whispers, afraid almost, “Bucky…?”

Bucky frowns. How does this man know him? He nods in answer. The man shakes with emotion. He turns forward again and Bucky sees his shoulders shake. The man is crying. He lets out a giant sob before lifting his knees and crying into them. 

Bucky does not understand the emotions he is feeling. He does not get why it hurts him that this man is crying. He does not get it. His heart is busted. 

Bucky does not like this. He stands and gets the man a cup of drink and a bowl of food. He carries both to the still crying man. He sits on his bed, holding the items. The man turns his head to look at Bucky. The man’s blue eyes shine bright with more tears. His long lashes are clumped together. He should look gross with snot covering his red face, but Bucky does not see him that way. He sees him as beautiful. The man sniffles and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. Bucky holds out his offerings. The man takes them without a word. Bucky gets up and walks back into his kitchen area. The man does not immediately begin eating. He sets the dishware on the floor on either side of him.

“Do you remember me?”

Bucky turns as he hears the man speak. “Should I?”

The man shivers. He swallows loudly. “I thought you would.” He hangs his head and attempts to breathe through his mouth. Bucky does not like this.

“I don’t remember much. I was in a hospital two years ago. I don’t know why. I woke up and didn’t know much. The doctors told me my name. And that I was a soldier. I didn’t know much else.” The man loses the battle to not cry and the tears fall. His shoulders shake with sobs he is choking back. “Did I know you from before?”

The man nods jerkily. “Yeah.” The man inhales sharply, before pulling in through his nose. “We uh…We were best friends. For a long time.” The man sobs again. He covers his face with his hands, muffling his cries. 

Bucky frowns. He does not remember this man. “Eat. Drink. Sleep.” Anything. Stop crying. Please. 

The man continues to cry.

The blizzard is expected to last for days. Maybe weeks. The man can’t leave. He is stuck with Bucky just like Bucky is stuck with him. The first few days pass with the man waking from nightmares, fear etched into his face before he notices the fire or Bucky. He will settle but will not sleep again for the night. The man eats what is given to him. He starts to cry when he sees Bucky. He seems fragile. 

Bucky does not have the courage to ask his name.

Three days into their forced situation, there is a call on the radio. “Elk-Man,” The man smiles for the first time since he got there. “Mattie got a call from someone asking about the Avenger. I think they’re looking for him.”

The man is next to Bucky at the radio. “Natasha must be worried. I was supposed to call every three days or else she would come down.” The man bites his lip. He looks at Bucky before looking at the mic. “Can I?” Bucky nods. The man grabs the mic and clicks to talk. “Hello? This is Captain Steve Rogers. Can you pass a message on for me?” Steve. The other man’s name is Steve. Bucky wished it clicked in his mind but instead, it just made his heart warm. 

There is silence. Eventually, the other person responds. There is a waver in his face. “uh…yes Captain. What message do you want to send?” 

“Can you call this number,” Steve rattled off a New York number, “and let the woman who answers know that I am alive. And…” The man—Steve—rolled his eyes. “Can you tell her that the,” Steve sighed over the mic, letting it be known he hadn’t created this code, “Rover is with Satin. For Nimrod Dancer.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

The person on the other end was silent again. It took a little longer for the to return. The other person giggled slightly before responding. “Copy that Captain.”

“Thank you.” 

The other person giggled high and loud. Bucky frowned. Why was there a giggle? The other person didn’t respond. Steve set the mic down before turning to Bucky. This was the closet they had been in a long time. 

Steve—his name was Steve! —stood close to Bucky. He looked Bucky over, taking in the long scraggly beard, the long lush hair, and the soul-full eyes. Steve looked him over and Bucky let him. This was the first time in too long that anyone had really looked at him. Really looked at him and saw him. Bucky didn’t know what to do with this. But he let Steve look since it looked like he needed to.

“You really don’t remember me?”

Bucky wanted to lie. Wanted to say of course he did, it was Steve. But… he couldn’t. He shook his head. “No. I don’t.” Bucky debated on mentioning the weird heart situation, the one that had twinged when Steve had woken up from his first nightmare, not in this world but somewhere much worse. He thought about telling Steve about how he found himself moving around Steve to naturally accommodate him or the way his ears picked up any and all changes in his breathing without Bucky meaning too. 

Bucky may not remember Steve, but his body did. His body was so attuned to Steve that it was hard for Bucky to force his body not to notice him, not to react. 

But Bucky didn’t mention that. Didn’t feel like he could give Steve a small hope. The doctors at the hospital had said he would more than likely never get the memories back. That his long-term memories had been so badly tied to some trigger words that they had to go. That the memories were gone. 

Steve nodded. “Ok.” He nodded again before breathing out shakily. “I should… I should probably go. You seem to be doing alright here and…” His eyes watered before he shook his head, “And there’s no point in me staying in your space longer than necessary.”

Bucky frowned. He didn’t like that. Steve had been with him for three days. Bucky had already accepted Steve as part of his life forever and now Steve wanted to leave. His heart ached in an unfamiliar way as he thought about taking Steve into town. “No.”

Steve looked at Bucky with surprise in his facial expression. “What? Why?”

Bucky shrugged. “The storm.” Steve’s face fell. Of course. The storm. The one that had should have killed Steve. There was no other reason for Steve to stay. But…Bucky knew he had to be upfront. “And…” Steve looked at him with a lack of emotion. “I want you to stay.”

Surprise captured his face again. Steve smiled big and bright, even as his eyes brightened with unshed tears. “Oh. OK.” He tried to hide his smile, but the smile was too big to be contained. He moved to his corner of the cabin, closest to the fire, and sat down. The smile didn’t budge. 

Living with Steve was easy. They lived in the tiny cabin, not speaking much but still in tuned with one another. Bucky easily passed Steve things, even before he asked for it. They were able to spend long periods of time without speaking to one another without the silence growing uncomfortable. They traded barbs as if they were old friends as opposed to new acquaintances. Bucky didn’t know why, and Steve always grinned about it, but it was nice. Domestic bliss was nice for them.

The storm passed and before long, Bucky was saddling up to go back into town to restock. Steve was geared up to tag along, but he seemed hesitant to go. “Buck…”

Bucky restrained the shiver that lit up his body when Steve shortened his name. He didn’t understand it, but he loved it. He loved hearing his name from this man. “yeah Steve?”

“When we go into town…” Steve swallowed nervously. “I think I should stay there. I mean, this has been the best time but…” He shook his head. “Your life is here. And I… Mine isn’t.” he shook his head again. “I don’t want to interfere with your life.”

“Who were you to me?”

Steve looks at him sharply. “What?”

“Who were you to me? Did we serve together? Were we friends? Lovers? Related? How do we know each other?” Bucky has kept this question to himself for so long. He has wondered since the day Steve woke up and cried over him to know why this man is so strongly tied to Bucky. Bucky doesn’t even have a glimpse of a memory but this man… His body knows. Muscle memory takes a long time to form. A lot of repetition. They have history. How else could Bucky stand to be around him? He doesn’t like most people. But this man… This stranger with the soft, sad eyes, he knows him, but he doesn’t know him.

Steve laughed without mirth. “It’s… It’s a very complicated. I—”

“Tell me.” Bucky takes off is parka and throws it in the direction of the table. He sits down hard onto the chair and looks at Steve. “tell me. Please.” Bucky has never wanted to know something as badly as he needed to know this. He would stay here to learn the pieces of himself he would never get back. He needed to know.

Steve was surprised by Bucky’s demand, but he recovered quickly. He nodded and took off his parka as well. While the jacket was important for the outside, inside, it would only cause them to sweat. “Uh, well… It’s a very complicated story. It starts back in 1935…” 

And Steve tells the story of two kids who met when a bully decided to beat up a little black-haired boy and the tow-headed fragile asthmatic kid decided to help out and protect the dark-haired boy. He talks about how they were inseparable from that first fight. How his mother loved Bucky and as her own child. How Bucky never looked down on Steve when he couldn’t play like the other kids. How Steve was there when his father suddenly died of smoke inhalation after working in the factories for so long. Steve told the story of two young men forced to grow and be soldiers. He told the story of the first time Bucky died. Of the first time Steve died. He told the story of how they were reunited. He told the story of how Steve almost died again. How Bucky had survived. Of the deeds he had done but wasn’t guilty of. He told of the story of finally finding Bucky, finally finding someone to help remove the triggers that turned him into a monstrous version of himself. 

At this point Steve began to cry. Not the big wracking sobs of his nightmares but more the quiet, release of emotions as he talked about the anger at being pulled for a mission just as the treatment was starting. He talked about the fear of losing Bucky again with no way of finding him. He told Bucky how he was able to finally find him. He told Bucky about staying in the tiny town and waiting for a whisper, a glimpse anything. 

By the end, Steve voice was rough, and the tears had stopped. Their trail continued to stand on Steve’s face. Bucky merely sat across from Steve. 

Bucky should have had a flash of something. Anything. A memory, a muscle spasm, something. But nothing. The only thing that resonated was the asthma. It explained why he listened to Steve breathe, even though the guy was so much bigger than Bucky. “Huh.”

Steve gave a soft chuckle. “That’s it? You hear your whole story and nothing?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I haven’t remembered anything for the past 2 years. You really think one story is going to suddenly bring it all back? I think not.”

Steve rolled his eyes in return. “God, you’re a punk.”

Bucky laughed. “I wondered why the slang you were using was so old.” Steve threw his gloves at Bucky. Bucky caught them deftly. “That also explains why I’m able to use a gun so well.” Bucky had needed to shoot at some wolves when he first moved in. They had been traveling the area and Bucky had technically moved onto their territory. He had shot in their direction, in no way intending to kill them, and had hit his mark too easily and he had been curious. 

“Yeah well, you don’t remember me so there’s no point in me staying. Besides, I should get back to work and all.”

Bucky nodded. “As an Avenger.”

Steve frowned. He asked, with suspicion clear in every word, “how did you know I was an Avenger?”

Bucky shrugged. “The airports have a lot of stuff about you guys. I saw your face. Besides, the town was quick to rat on you when you started asking questions.” He grinned as Steve’s face went bitchy. 

“Well, that’s just rude. They didn’t even know why I was here.”

Bucky laughed. He hadn’t laughed this much in 2 years. “Probably explains why they didn’t give you shit.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Come on.” He grabbed his jacket and shrugged it on. “let’s get to town so I can get out of your overgrown hair.”

Bucky shook his locks majestically. “Jealous, are we?”

“Oh yeah. Jealous of the man-beast look you got going on, Elk-Man.”

Bucky laughed again as he threw his parka on and grabbed the snowmobile keys. “Let’s go.”

Steve followed him out and they climbed on the snowmobile. Steve didn’t fuss that he had to sit behind Bucky and easily wrapped his arms around Bucky. There was no spark, no memory triggered but Bucky could almost believe this had happened before. He felt Steve rest his head on Bucky’s shoulder, turning his cold nose into Bucky’s neck and breath in. Huh. Maybe there was something Steve didn’t mention.

The trip into town was easy enough considering the basic paths were buried under piles of snow. They arrived into town and it was obvious something major was happening. 

There was a sleek black aircraft sitting in the middle of the courtyard, open and waiting. Steve climbed off the snowmobile before Bucky parked it and immediately began the search for who had flown it. It wasn’t that difficult to find where they were.

Natasha was inside the main store, staring down Bucky’s neighbor who was blatantly ignoring the other woman. “I am going to ask once more, where are they?”

Bucky’s neighbor, a lovely woman by the name of Karen sighed and finished putting two packs of water bottles into her cart. She turned to Natasha and smiled a disarmingly sweet smile at the redhead. “I don’t know you. I don’t know your connections to him. And quite frankly I don’t give a fuck—don’t repeat what mommy said—if you are the queen of England. I am telling you nothing. Keep asking and I promise you, you’ll wind up frozen.” Karen started to push her cart forward but was stopped by Natasha.

“You think I’m afraid of cold? I don’t care. I am here on a mission to locate Captain Steve Rogers and if I have to beat it out of you, I will get the information I need.”

Karen didn’t even flinch. She looked at Natasha and smiled. “Good luck. Now move. You’re blocking my way.” She pushed her cart forward, yanking it from Natasha’s hands. 

Bucky loved Karen. She was a good woman. She had been living in this icy tundra for years, longer than Bucky, and she raised three children alone while her husband worked on the crab ships. Someone like the Black Widow did not scare her. She had faced worse.

Steve was beside him and in just as much shock/ admiration of Karen. Not many people spoke to the Black Widow like that and lived. Most of them ended up dead. Natasha still stood in the aisle. She closed her eyes and slowly breathed out of her nose before turning in their direction. She froze momentarily before moving towards them with purpose. Steve moved forward away from Bucky. Natasha reached them, and she slapped Steve across the face, whipping his head to the side. Her breath left her in a rush. “Fuck you Rogers.” She threw her arm around Steve’s neck and yanked him into a tight hug which Steve returned.

“I’m sorry Nat…”

“You said you wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

“I know.”

“You went out in a blizzard.”

“I know.”

“You should be dead.”

“I know.”

Natasha finally released him and centered herself on her feet. “No more.” Bucky did not know what she meant by no more, but Steve nodded as if he understood completely. Her eyes turned towards Bucky and she frowned slightly. “You look different James.”

Huh. He knew the Black Widow. How strange. Maybe she had been there when he supposedly fought Natasha. “You look new.”

Natasha’s eyebrow quirked slightly higher on her forehead. Bucky got the distinct impression she found his response funny. Good. Her attention returned to Steve. “You’re needed. Stark got some readings showing something major coming this way soon. If it wasn’t an emergency…” She took Steve’s arm and began leading him out of the store. 

Steve nodded. Of course, he did. He was an Avenger and needed to go when and if called. “Of course. I understand.”

Bucky followed them, hating that his body still followed Steve even though the other man was leaving. He easily moved to Steve’s left side, not even noticing the shift. Before, it didn’t matter but here, out in the world, Bucky naturally fell to the left. His body was acting without his permission again.

Natasha climbed aboard, heading to the front to steer them home. She knew this was going to be a moment and did not want to be involved. Besides, they needed the privacy.

Steve turns to Bucky, unsurprised but slightly surprised that Bucky is on his left. Like old times. “So, Bucky…” He sighed and looked at his feet. “I’m going to stop bothering you. I mean, you don’t need to worry about me coming back. You…” Steve exhaled sharply, and he looked the left of Bucky. “You’re doing great here. You have a life and are doing amazing things with it. I won’t bother you anymore. I—"

Bucky shook his head. “it’s okay Steve.” Steve turned to look at him sharply. His jaw clenched and unclenched, he seemed to shake with nerves. Bucky moved into Steve’s space, easily, too easily, pulling Steve into his body for a hug. He held the strong man tightly and breathed in the scent of him. Steve smelled good. Healthy. Glowing. A little musty but not in a bad way. Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Bucky in return. His chest heaved as if he was fighting the tears that threatened to come. “You can visit me whenever you want.” Steve sobbed softly next to his ear. He felt Steve turn his face into Bucky’s shoulder, pressing his eyes into Bucky’s shoulder. He couldn’t feel the tears, but he knew they were there. “I was important to you. I won’t make you stay away because I don’t remember you.” He turned and pressed a soft kiss into Steve’s hair, tightening his arms around Steve.

“Buck…” The name was muffled into Bucky’s jacket, but Bucky understood. Steve was feeling a lot of emotions right now. 

“Maybe you can tell me more stories the next time we see each other.” Steve’s arms tightened around his body. Steve nodded quickly into his shoulder. “And if you need anything, a break from your life or something, don’t hesitate to drop by. Maybe don’t freeze in the blizzard but…” Steve shook his head and pulled back from Bucky. He wiped is eyes with his gloves. Bucky’s heart gave a tight squeeze. Steve was beautiful, even like this. 

“Thank you, Bucky. Thank you.” Steve smiled tentatively at Bucky, almost afraid to be too happy. 

“Don’t mention it.” He took Steve’s face into his hands and gave him a soft peck on the lips. Steve whimpered softly and caught Bucky’s arms as he moved to pull away. The sad, kicked puppy look was back. “I knew you didn’t tell me everything.”

Steve laughed hysterically. “What was I going to say? Huh? That I loved you? Even when we were kids? Or that I would burn the world to the ground for you, even though you don’t remember?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and kissed Steve again, just as quick. “How did I put up with you? You’re so dramatic.” He grinned as he finally let Steve’s face go. “Go. Save the world. Or whatever. Maybe next time, I’ll go visit you.”

Steve grinned as he moved backwards up the ramp. “Say when. Anytime. Just say when.” The helicarrier’s jets started as he continued moving backwards. “I love you Buck!”

Bucky rolled his eyes and waved his hand after Steve. The ramp finally closed and the helicarrier took off, taking a piece of his puzzle away. 

Bucky still didn’t remember much of who he used to be. He still didn’t know Steve or what he had done in the past. But now? As this new version of Bucky Barnes? He was willing to relearn what he could have with Steve Rogers. He smiled softly to himself as he walked into the grocery store.

**Author's Note:**

> So for that trigger warning: Steve "wakes up" after he defrosts and thinks he is back on the Valkyrie and is freezing to death. In those moments, Steve is not in Bucky Barnes's cabin but is instead dying for the first time and is terrified. So he kind of disassociates and isn't present. He has nightmares while staying in the cabin and well, isn't a hundred percent well.


End file.
